I was watching the Olympic Trials for Track & Field the other evening and the commentator mentioned how one of the female runners had struggled with “imposter syndrome.” The comment stuck with me because it was a phrase my own therapist had used to describe some of my own hesitations with regard to coaching running. At the time I thought is was semi-psychobabble that kind of made sense but also sounded kind of made up. It turns out this is actually a fairly common struggle, particularly for female athletes and coaches.
My own running & coaching journey didn’t begin until well into adulthood. The year I was to turn 40 I decided that I could let aging get the best of me or I could try something new and focus on becoming stronger, fitter, healthier. I started running a few months before my birthday and completed my first 5K a couple months after. It certainly wasn’t fast or pretty, but it was a start. While doing that first race with a friend, we came up with a plan to be back two years later to run our first half marathons. We ended up beating that goal by four months and during the training process I became hooked on this new (to me) sport.
Less than two years into my personal run training I had another friend mention that her husband who was head coach of our school’s cross country team was looking for some additional help with a small and somewhat new girls’ team. I think I half-jokingly said something along the lines of, “Well, I run. Slow. But I do work with teenagers [as a high school teacher] and I could at least help with corralling and managing the girls if he wants to teach me how to coach.” I’m sure looking back there were many times he regretted his decision to take me on board as green as I was, but I what I did bring to the plate was an ability to develop relationships and create an environment the girls wanted to be a part of, even when they weren’t sure they actually enjoyed the running.
In seven years of coaching I have learned so much. That friend’s husband, who is now my friend as well, not only taught me how to coach cross country, he agreed to coach me in my own running. The combination has worked out well for both aspects. Nowadays it’s not unusual for me to be completing the same workouts as my girls and I could probably hang on with the middle of my pack. I’ve completed dozens of races at 5, 10, 15K and half marathon distances. In seven years coaching, the team has become a consistent environment that is both competitive and encouraging. Two seasons ago we saw our first individual female runner qualify for the state meet and last season the team took the district championship and qualified as a team for the state meet for the first time in school history.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Theodore Roosevelt
Even with these successes I still find myself asking if I belong. Am I really good enough as a coach to be doing this professionally? I’ve taken courses, gotten certifications from USATF, and put in the time, but still if you put me in a room full of other coaches I feel a little like an imposter. At the end of the day I still feel a little like I’m faking it, and not quite sure I’ve made it, but all I can do is keep moving forward. Maybe the real lesson is to stop asking as athletes and coaches if we’re good enough but if good with what we’re doing. Are we enjoying the journey? Are we accepting the personal successes? Can we stop letting comparison steal our joy? Yes, I believe we can.
Girl with Dog 