Responses to attack are thought to fall into three categories: fight, flight, or freeze. I think these can also apply to times we experience fear, and when we encounter worrying health issues. Some people receive unsettling or fearful medical news and choose to fight it head on; some may choose to ignore it and flee; others may become paralyzed in indecision or stymied by information and choices.
I’ve told the story of my son’s journey through having a traumatic brain injury and CVA that has led to a lifelong struggle with epilepsy. As a mom I had to dig deep many times over the years to help him face his challenges and also pursue the help he needed. As he grew up he started making the difficult decisions himself and still chose to fight.
On another front, I watched my mom muddle through many years of health issues and eventually choosing not to fight, fleeing instead into overmedicating and becoming addicted to prescription pain killers. She lost her will to push on and chose death at the age of 65. Why did she choose flee while Ryan was choosing fight?
A little over two months ago I received my own worrying health news. Routine screening tests showed blood in my digestive tract. In combination with weight loss, loss of appetite, abdominal pain, slight jaundice, nausea, and chronic diarrhea, both my primary care physician and the gastroenterologist were concerned I may have cancer. Was I scared by this possibility? Of course. I had several moments of wanting to freeze or flee. I really wasn’t sure I could advocate for myself the same way I had for Ryan. I wasn’t sure I wasn’t really, deep down, my mom.
Thankfully my overachiever personality rose to the surface. If the doctor wanted all these tests run, then I was going to do what she said and get all the tests done. Week by week we eliminated major concerns. Each week were thankfully able to eliminate an area of concern. No organs showed overt tumors, my jaundice was likely being caused by a low-functioning gallbladder, and I do have pre-cancerous cells in a portion of my stomach lining. I wavered on having the gallbladder removed, but when I did we discovered the duct that was supposed to carry bile in and out was of smaller than usual caliber and the gallbladder itself was inflamed with backed up bile sludge (Yuck!). Already several symptoms have improved since surgery.
Now I’m left with still the little fear of the pre-cancer. I’m told I’m at low risk for it developing into full blown stomach cancer, but also I should be making some diet changes and will have to have regular testing to check. I’m finding my fight. I will keep running to maintain my overall fitness and health, and I’m digging into gaining information about nutritional dos and don’ts.
Girl with Dog 